just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Randomize
