i think i scared a bird with my dick
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
