We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
