Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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