How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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