drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
