I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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