Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
