Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize