Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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