you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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