bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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