Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
