She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
