Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
