like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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