I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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