i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
