omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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