goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
