dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
