Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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