I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
