Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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