He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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