I'm gonna have a badass scar
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize