he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
this hospital has no fireball
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
