My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
