you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
