Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
