My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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