I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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