how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
