shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
