just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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