It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
