I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize