I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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