We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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