I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
50% drunk capacity currently
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
