GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize