Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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