woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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