The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
