I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You took a bar mat shot.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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