is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
