Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
