I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
