Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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