My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
