Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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