I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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