we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
