I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize