You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
