He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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