Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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