His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
