just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
