he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
