i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
