Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
