barbara walters just said penis...
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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