I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
