I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
