Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
