I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
