Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
