They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
