too bad you live with your parents still
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
