The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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