I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
