I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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