im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
