like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
