I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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